I can't believe it is already New Year's Eve! Julie got me this wonderful 5 year journal for my birthday. It has a small section to write in each day, and it goes on for five years. It will be so exciting to write in it and see what I was doing or thinking one, two or more years ago on that day. I decided to wait until Jan 1st to start writing in it. I stopped by Starbucks today to get a Peppermint Mocha before they are gone for the season and it got me thinking. Peppermint Mocha has been somewhat like that journal. It only come out at Christmas time, so I can think back to where I was at each time I had it. When I first had it, Ali was 2 and I was living in Maine. I had met a wonderful lady at church, Deborah who had a son Ali's age and a daughter a few years older. She had invited us over for a visit / playdate. I wanted to bring something and since Starbucks was on the way, I stopped and got us yummy Peppermint Mochas. Whenever I drink it, I think of Deborah. At that point I was desperately grasping, reaching to figure out who I am. Although Deborah and her husband are only a few years older than me, I somehow felt like they were adults and I was a kid, and they were going to figure it out. That somehow I didn't belong. Of course, it wasn't them, they are fantastic people, I just didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. It was in fact Deborah and Jeff who helped me start onto the path that led me to myself. Seeing them togtether, seeing them happy and always working together towards the same enjoyment ahd happiness in life. I knew it was what I was missing and what I wanted to find.
The next time Peppermint Mocha came out, I was newly seperated. I had just made the hardest decision of my life, and did the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was reeling, trying to figure out what next. How to find a job, what to do, what to do with Ali. I was living with Nana and searching for my next direction. My life was in turmoil, but I knew I had taken a step in the right direction. The next step was out there, I just had to find it.
When Peppermint Mocha was next available, so much had changed. I had a full time job teaching. I had just started teaching English at a juvenile justice facility. I was running a mile a minute, trying to learn on the go. I loved my job, but the stress of learning how to do it was intense! On top of that, I had just put Ali in daycare and was nervous about that.
The following Peppermint Mocha season, Will was in Afghanistan and Ali was settled in preschool. I was unhappy with the school she was in and was pulling her out of it and putting her in the one at our church. I had become more assertive, more confident in my job and who I was. I no longer felt like a kid pretending to be an adult, I was no longer afraid to ask for what I wanted or thought was right.
Now I am sipping Peppermint Mocha, so different from that scared person a few years ago. I know who I am. I know what I want. I am happy with my life. I am not afraid to demand that is right for me and for Alison. I love my church and am very active in it. I love my job and feel confident in what I am doing. Ali is in kindergarten and is a happy, smart, healthy soon-to-be-six year old.
My 2008 resolution: pretty much the same as 2007. Work out more, have fun more. New for 2008, get my finances in better shape. Save money, no more living paycheck to paycheck. Hopefully meet someone to share some time with.
Happy New Years!
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