Strange

My ex-husband has a girlfriend. Although he will deny it, I can tell. For one, he has not called Ali on the weekend for quite a while. He has always called her nightly, annoyingly nightly. Even when she does not want to talk, he still calls and calls. Suddenly he stops calling on the weekends. Also, as my sister has pointed out, if you read his blog (click here to see it) his entries all talk about "we". "We" did this and "we" did that. He has suddenly been pushing through our divorce, bugging me about something that until recently was somthing that was not his radar. He was still waiting for me to go back to him. It has been bothering me, him having a girlfriend, and I have been trying to figure out why. It is certainly not because I want to be back with him. Oh goodness no. I think it is because I know the him she is getting right now. The Will I fell in love with. The fun guy who goes places, takes you on trips, is always trying to impress you. He is charming and funny and great to be around. I want to call this woman and warn her "It is all a ruse, he will change!! He will get mean and nasty and sick of you", but then I realize that may not be the case. I would imagine that he has changed since I last spent much time with him. He claims that he has changed, but I don't know for sure.

Although that is part of it, I think there is more. I think it is because he CAN date. He can go out whenever he wants. He can meet someone and not have to worry about what kind of person they are, are they safe to one day maybe have around our child. He does not even have to ever mention that he has a child. If he does, he will give the "poor me" story. I got one of his poor me story. The one I got was about his horrible ex-girlfriend who treated him so awful. He is going to tell her all about the wicked ex-wife who took his darling girl, the light of his life, and left. For me, being a single mom it like carying around a huge banner that says "don't date me, I have baggage" If I were to actually to met someone who is not terrified that I have a child, can I go out? Can I get a sitter, and can I afford a sitter? Am I going to be taking time from my daughter? I feel bad enough that we only spend nights and weekends together as it is, can I take more time from her to date and actually not feel guilty? It really does make me angry that he has absolutely no responsibility for our child. Yes, he does pay support for her, although not anywhere near what he can or should be paying. But that is it. He sees her a few times a year, and even then he stays with us, uses my car, and I am always around.

Although I am complaining about this, when it comes right down to it, I have Alison. I would never trade that for anything else in the whole world. I love my baby, I love being her mom. She is the coolest kid in the whole world. He is amazing, and I can happliy live without ever dating again if it means that she grows up healthy and happy. It is easy to complain when I see him dating and lying to us about it all that is going on ("I just want the divorce for closure", "I should start staying in a hotel when I come to visit, I don't want to bother you guys"), but I have an amazing child and the wonderful blessing to be with her every day. That is better than anything else in the world.