For Bruce

Bruce Alyson Gates - 4/59-5/07

I’m sorry you’re hurting
But please don’t mourn me
For at last I am happy
I am finally free

I can soar with the hawk
High over the wood
I can rustle the leaves
Where in life I had stood

I’m the first ray of dawn
I’m noontime’s warm light
I’m evening’s first star
I’m the songs of the night

You can’t understand
Why I left you so soon
But you’ll now hear my voice
In the call of the loon

When you miss me look up
To the sky where I soar
Go out to the woods
To the place I adore

I am always with you
Look around and you’ll see
I am finally happy
At last I am free

Lisa Ritcher

Poetry Slam

Tomorrow is the first ever Poetry Slam against Alliance House. Alliance House is a treatment program near here, run by the same agency as us. Many of your boys go on to Alliance House when they leave us. I was sitting next to the English teacher at a professional development day when we hatched this idea, and now it has come to fruition. I am so nervous! We are hosting it (since many of our boys can't travel), they are coming around 10, and we are slamming it poetry style. I am excited, Alliance House is bringing close to 10 guys, mostly our former residents, and we have close to 10 that are going for it. I made muffins and congo bars (the Congo bars were a specific request), they are bringing cookies and we are providing punch. I would never ask my boys to put themselves out there unless I was willing to also, so I wrote a poem to perform. I had written one called "Ode to the N word - dedicated to Hansel and all of my boys who try to get me to say it", but I just don't feel like it is done yet. So tonight I wrote a new one. I think it is pretty good, I know it will be well received by the kids. Here it is: (untitled)

You think you’re sly with your
SugarHoneyIcedTea
Like you invented it
Like we were never kids

Or ShutTheFrontDoor
Sure…..

You try to pull a fast one on us with your
Fff this and Fff that
Ya, we never pulled that one either

How about the ring finger bird?
Nope, not an original

You flash your gang signs
Then act surprised when caught
Like we don’t know what you are up to

On dogs we do.

We sigh when you curse us out
You’re not the first
You won’t be the last

We roll our eyes when you complain about
Not using colored pens
Not wearing certain brands
Are you really surprised?

You try to play the race card
Claim it’s all about race

It is

A race against time
To show you who you can be
To help you find your way
To prepare you

A race against the past
Helping you find your way out
Proving you are more
Proving you can

A race against every bad thing
Pulling you in every direction

And we keep coming in day after day

Ready to race

Ready to force it

Ready to steal points

Ready for you

Lily & Mia

How adorable are my nieces???

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!!

I know this is a day early, but we are going to be so busy tomorrow, I don;t think I will get the chance to blog. I love Easter. All week Ali and I have been talking about what is going on biblically. Today we discussed how tomorrow we get our "Alleluia" back and why.

Here is a picture of Ali with the Easter bunny last weekend.

writing

I have never been one to share my writing, but if I want to be a writer, I need to start! This is something I wrote yesterday at my professional development day. We were assigned the prompt "a turning point in my life" and had to pick either "when time stood still" or "when time flew by." I picked time standing still. I got some very positive comments on it. Here it is:

I remember the day I said goodbye to my friend Sarah. She was in my kitchen, we were 18, and we both knew we would never see each other again.

Sarah was my “drug buddy”, to use a phrase from a Lemonheads song. I had met Sarah through a mutual friend. At first she was the source of the drugs we did, but she became my friend. She had all the great parties I heard about but never attended. We hung out with skaters, taggers and druggies, all male. Not wanting to appear weak or girly, we had to keep up a strong front. Desperation to define ourselves drew us together.

Quickly my life hit a turning point, graduation. I had been accepted to a college 1200 miles away. I was the first in my family going to college. If I was going to succeed, I had to grow up. No more drugs. Mo more running from my problems. No more lies. I knew that meant leaving Sarah behind.

She came by one evening to say goodbye. We both pretended that we would see each other soon. We smiled nervously and talked about my first break. The moment is frozen in my mind, Sarah in my kitchen saying goodbye. Realizing I would never see her again. I hugged Sarah and said goodbye, leaving my rocky childhood behind.

Community Service

Today I took 6 of my students, one counselor (thanks Jeff) and went to my church to get some work done. Our parking lot was in bad shape. It is surrounded by a fence and other properties, and over the years trash, leaves and "crud" has piled up against the fence. We were there for four hours raking, bagging and cleaning the property. I think we removed about 30+ lawn and garden bags full of stuff! We also cleaned up all of the landscaping around the church grounds. I wish I could post pictures, but since they are juveniles, I can't. I wish I could show pictures of T, who has one of those smiles that makes you smile. He spent most of the time chasing Alison and playing ball with her. And A, who grabbed the camera and took about 10 pictures of himself. The same A who was in class last week talking about how he feels like a loser because of where he is and what he has done. There was J, a talented artist who rips up all of his pictures as soon as he is done, a talented write who says "I hate to write" who did the work of 4 kids. D, who misses his year-old son, who worked the whole time while joking with the guys. Lastly there was E & E. EA was away from his "boy from the out" for once, and it was nice to see him not putting on a show, and EG who worked hard and even seemed to forget that he is always trying to fit in, he just fit in for once. I wish I could show the great pictures I took of them when we were done, but they pictures go to the school, no where else.

There was one thing that happened that I will always remember. We went inside the church to use the bathroom, and the boys asked if there was somewhere they could pray. I opened the church door, and they silently went in to the darkened church, knelt down at the alter and prayed. As I stood at the door, and watched them, I saw them for what they really are. Not juvenile deliquents, not at-risk teenagers, but children of God. It is an image I wish everyone could see when they see them. Not rough teenagers looking mean, but children who kneel at the alter and ask for forgiveness. It is an image I will always keep with me. As we walked back out to get back to work, T turned to me and said "Now that was some good praying", and flashed that grin.

It is days like these that I know why I love my job so much, and why God led me to it.

writing or Writing

I had a professional development day last week, and although I abhor driving all the way out to Worcester and back, I do tend to come back with lots to think about. One thing that out instructor brought up was that it is difficult to teach writing if you aren't a writer. We don't have to be Writers (people who submit and sell) but writers, people who write. It really got me thinking. Do I consider myself a writer? I would like to, but I just don't write enough. Everything I have read says that to be a Writer (or writer for that matter) you have to write every day. Goodness knows I don't. Sure I write lesson plans as needs be, and e-mails along the way, but I don't just write.

So how do I start? A lot of people have suggested a journal. My problem tends to be that I am too tired when I go to bed to write in a journal. Maybe I need to start going to bed earlier and write in it. I also get bored with a journal (that says a lot for my life), so maybe I need to start looking for writing prompts for myself. I sure do have a million for my kids, I make them journal every day, but maybe it is time for me to. I have also thought about taking a course. The problem is, it needs to be an online course. I am just not ready to give up more time with Alison just yet.

I just have to start writing...

Favorite Quote

One of my friends from college has a blog, and she always has these great questions to answer. A recent one is "What is one of your favorite quotes?" I have quite a few. I have this great calendar at work, it is a daily one, and it is "Fabulous Broads." I forget who the quote is by, but I have it above my desk, it says:

"I may be a bad girl, but I am damn good company."

Another of my all time favorites is from Alice Roosevelt:
"If you don't have anything nice to say, come and sit by me."

A favorite movie quote? This one reaches back to a movie from the 80s, "Real Genius":
"I am thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said 'I drank what?'"

And my favorite faith based quote:
"God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wish He didn't have so much faith in me"

podcasts

I have recently joined the masses in subscribing to some podcasts. I am not sure what took me so long, but I am addicted. I have 4 subscriptions, and I listen to them in the car on my way to work (after Ali is dropped off.) They are:

Merriam-Webster Word of the Day. I love this because a) I can use most of these word in a sentence, but I can't define them and b) the give the etymology of the word, and I LOVE etymology! After I listen to it I make up some sentences so I will remember it.

Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty tips for better writing. I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Love it!

NPR Story of the day. I love these, I get smarter with each one I listen to!

NPR Pop Culture: Gotta stay hip and up with the times!

For your enjoyment, a picture of me, wearing one of Ali's wigs. I love those wigs, more than her I think!

Mommy Favs

I have been thinking of the things that make my life as a Mommy easier. What are the new things that I think are cool?

1. Pediacare decongestant strips. Ali hates medicine. Hates it. She will fight me to the end about taking it, usually crying herself into a frenzy. Without it she sleeps horribly (all stuffed up and snoring). The strips are perfect. Once she is asleep, I slip them on her tongue and the melt away in a few seconds, giving her the dose with no fighting! Does slipping her meds when she is asleep make me a bad mom?

2. ToothTunes toothbrushes. These are the new toothbrushes that play music when you brush your teeth with them. It transmits the music through your jawbone, so you hear it loud and clear when you are brushing, but no one else can really hear it. It plays for 2 minutes (which is the recommended time for brushing), but only when brushing. When you stop brushing, it stops playing. Ali loves this, she is excited about brushing her teeth and I know she is getting the full 2 minutes in.

3. Baby Oatmeal. Although not new, it is a lifesaver for me. Ali has eczema and her hands have been horrible this winter because of all of the bitter cold we have had (well that and swim lessons). Oatmeal baths are great for her, but it is so expensive! It is like $5.00 for a few packs of oatmeal bath. I heard somewhere that regular baby oatmeal works just as well, so I tried it. It works better! It is a lot less expensive, and it really helps her skin. The only change I had to make to her bathing routine is to rinse her hair with clean water, the oatmeal was getting stuck in her hair!

I can't think of anymore, so I guess that makes it my top three!

Ali dressed herself this morning, and she was a sight! She put on a gold dress-up skirt with gold sequins on, and begged me to let her wear it. Why not? She added a purple tee shirt, black tights and black cowgirl boots. She topped it off with an off white knitted cardigan that is about two sizes too small. We went for a nice walk, then headed out to run errands. While in my mom's car (mine is in the shop - ugh!) she found her Cat In the Hat hat she made in preschool Friday and put that on. People stopped and watched her as we walked through Target. The nicest thing was, everyone was smiling. Don't you with you could put everyone in a good mood, just by what you are wearing. At Target she saw a pink cowgirl hat she wanted. I said no, but then she put it on, and it was so darn cute on her that I changed my mind. I also got her a orange terry-cloth hoody to replace the too-small sweater. The total look was amazing. Ahh, to be 5 again.

The Baptism

Here is Lily getting ready to go home after the party after the baptism. As you can see, she has had quite enough by now!










Here is Mia ready to go. She was a little less cranky than her sister (surprising given her nickname - Miss Mia Fussy Pants)










Here is Daddy, Mommy and the girls. Although from this picture it looks like the party was at a bar, it was not. It was actually at a very nice Italian bistro that Julie and Pete frequent. The food was amazing, and there was a lot of it!








Here are we three God Parents. Jeanne-Marie is Pete's sister and Frank is her husband and Pete's best friend. Let me just say that they tanned for weeks for the baptism.








And here is the proud cousin. These are the cups that were placed out for everyone to drink out of. She thought she was just the cat's meow with her cup (which is filled with watered-down coke).

I love how green here eyes are in the picture!

update update update

I have fallen behind on my updates! So much has happened in the last month or so! Ali has started a new preschool. Yet again I had a problem with her preschool and pulled her out. There is a preschool at our new church and they had openings, so Ali is now going there. She loves it! She is in a pre-k class with all 5-year-olds so she is being challeneged and learning daily. She comes home with homework! She loves having homework, it makes her feel like a big girl, and she is just learning so much.

Ali ended up in the hospital overnight recently. She developed a stomach bug on a Wednesday, had a fever and was throwing up. She started throwing up blood on Thursday, so our Dr told up to head to the ER. We were there forever, and it was determined that she was very dehydrated and needed to stay. She had an IV (and was such a trooper about it) where they gave her fluids, anti-nausea meds and Zantac for the bleeding (it was determined that the bleeding was from her tearing her stomach lining and throat from throwing-up so much). She was doing much better by Friday afternoon and was sent home. It was scary for a while there, late Thursday night she was pretty much unconscious, the Drs couldn't really wake her up. They sat her up and moved her around and asked her questions, they were able to get her to open her eyes for a few minutes and answer a question.

Ali had a fabulous birthday party at Pump-It-Up Party at the end of January. She had 17 kids come and just about as many parents. They had an amazing time! I highly recommend the place! Pictures to come!

This is vacation week. We started the vacation out with my nieces' baptism on Sunday. They askedme to be a God-mother which is such an honor. Jeanne-Marie (Pete's sister), Frank (Jeanne's husband and Pete's best friend) and I are the God-parents for both of them. I have the absolute pleasure of babysitting the girls today while Julie and Pete are at work. I will have lots of pictures to post soon.

I have to go make a bottle for Miss Lily.

sick sick sick

Well, Ali and I seem to be virus magnets this year. Combined I think we have gotten every illness that has been around. Right now we are both coughing, nose-blowing and sleeping phlegm factories. She has a fever, I may, and we are laying low. Thank goodness for the long weekend, an extra day to rest. I think I am keeping Ali out of day care and swim lessons tomorrow, she has to get over all of this! I think I sent her back too early last week, her immune system was down and she picked this one up. Ugh!

My baby's 5

My sweet girl turned 5 today. I can not believe how fast time flies. Here is one of her last 4 year old pictures:

As you can probably tell from her paleness, she was sick all weekend. She woke up at 3:30 am Friday throwing up, and it lasted all weekend pretty much. She was able to keep liquids down by Friday night, but the little she ate Saturday came back up Saturday night. Sunday night she ate some crackers and kept them down, so she had a half day at preschool today, her big day.

Her big day started out with a 6:30 am call from Afghanistan, Daddy didn't want to miss the chance to talk to his big 5 year old. From there it was off to preschool, where she had a party at lunch. After lunch Nindy picked her up, and when she got home, she had received flowers, balloons and a stuffed bear from Daddy! She spent the afternoon with Nindy, Bubby and Auntie. On my way home from work I picked up pizza and we had Nana join all of us for a little party. Here is Ali when we sang "Happy Birthday:
And blowing out the candles:


Like the cake? Ali wanted cupcakes, so I let her pick out the mix (the confetti vanilla one), the frosting (pink vanilla with sprinkles) and we even found heart shaped muffin tins.

Happy Birthday baby girl!

New Years Eve

It has been way too long since I have updated this! We had a wonderful Christmas, spent in New York with Julie, Pete, Lily and Mia. It was a perfect holiday, we went to Julie's church on Christmas Eve, which was Lily and Mia's fist time at church and first blessing. We spent time with all of Pete's family and enjoyed their Christmas customs. It was hard to come back home, but I knew it was time.

With 2006 coming to an end, I have been thinking about all the year has brought. Of course, most important is Lily and Mia. 2006 brought healthy babies to Julie and Pete, making me a proud aunt.

2006 was an important year for me. It seems most of my life I have just 'gone with the flow'. This year I had some decisions to make and situations to handle. This was definately the year I 'grew up'. When I was unhappy with Ali's old preschool, I had to deal with it. I had to make complaints, talk to people and decide what was best for my child. I ended up having to find a new preschool, luckily I went into this search much more prepared. At work I had to learn to balance my caring for my students with my job, which is to educate them in ELA, and then leave it all at the door when I head home.

This year I learned that I like perfume. I never wore perfume. I guess I never tried to find one I liked. Will always hated perfume (make-up too) so I never wore it. I now normally have perfume on, my new favorite being "London" by Burberry.

Speaking of that, today I looked in the mirror (I look in the mirror now before I go out) and was happy with what I have become. I was running errands, and was "dressed down" wearing fleece sweatpants and a long sleeve Patriots tee shirt, but I had my hair and make-up done. I never go out without make-up on. Not a lot, but I always have eye-liner on, and usually mascara and blush. Just a few short years ago, I NEVER wore make-up.

I now have a financial planner, a college savings plan for Alison and my credit rating is back on it's way up. I have my own apartment, car and furniture. I have a job I love and my life is mine. I guess this is really the year I found myself. I no longer go by what other people say, I make my own decisions, and don't regret them at all. I have made friends, gone out on a date (just one, but a start), and even gone out alone.

It has been a wonderful 2006, and I can't wait to see what 2007 brings.

Happy 2006 everyone, I hope yours was as wonderful as mine!

The babies are home!

Julie and the babies went home from the hospital on Tuesday. Lucky grandma Nindy is out helping them get settled in. Looks to me like they are settling in just fine!

Mia watching Lily sleep.

Two sleeping babies!

The Twins are here!

Yesterday, December 1st, a little after 11am Lily Marie and Mia Grace Sebastian were born! Lily was 6.03 lbs, 18.5 inches, Mia was 5.08 lbs, 18 inches. Mommy, Daddy and babies are all doing wonderful! Here are pictures from the day:

Mia is on the left, Lily on the right.

Mommy and the girls.

The Sebastian Family; Mommy with Mia, Daddy with Lily.

Nindy (Short for Nana Wendy) with Lily.

Uncle Frank with Lily, Aunt Jeanne-Marie with Mia (they were nervous, but you could never tell, they were wonderful with them)

Proud cousin Alison with Lily

And with Mia

Daddy holding Lily

Lily relaxing with Mommy

Simple Pleasures

Yesterday I was looking for a prompt for my classes and found a great one:

"Describe a simple pleasure you enjoy with someone"

It got me thinking of simple pleasures. I thought of last week when we ran to the grocery store after Ali's doctor appointment. When we were near produce I saw the boxes of Clementines and and exclaimed "Ali look!! Clementines!" We of course bought a box of them and proceeded to eat 3 on the way home (Ali ate 2, me 1). And of course I sang the song Clementine all of the way home. I thought of how wonderful simple pleasures really are.

Then this morning on my way to court (I had jury duty and was picked for a jury!!) I stopped at Starbucks for breakfast. I am normally not a Starbucks person, it is just so darn expensive, but the Dunkin Donuts parking lot was packed. When I looked at the menu in Starbucks, I saw my beloved Peppermint Mocha. Yes, back for the holidays is the Peppermint Mocha. Ahhh, simple pleasures once again. As I waited for my order to come up, I thought immediately of Deborah, my friend from Maine who now lives in Texas. One morning when we were both in Maine I was going over to her house, I think just for a friendly get-together, and I stopped at the Starbucks near my house. I knew Deborah was a coffee lover and wanted to bring something. They had Peppermint Mocha on the menu, it sounded wonderful, so I ordered one for each of us. When I got there, Deborah was thrilled, telling me that she LOVED Peppermint Mocha. So yes, once again, simple pleasures. I am not saying a dear friend like Deborah is a simple pleasure, absolutely not. A dear friend like Deborah is a rare gift from God; but a wonderful memory that warms your heart, that is a simple pleasure.

I have since decided that simple pleasures are the best of all pleasures. They are all around and always a wonderful boost.

Here's to simple pleasures.

Water baby

Ali has been taking swimming lessons and doing a great job. She listenes to the teacher, tries everything and gives it her best shot. We were fortunate to get Kelly, one of the best teachers in the whole world! We stared off on a bad note, she had a horrible teacher and hated going. We switched over to a different class with Kelly and she loves it. She has even gotten brave enough to try swimming without a bubble in the deep end. As a mom it is terrifying to watch, but with Kelly right there with her, I know she is fine. She takes the class with Christopher, one of her friends, which makes it easier for her. Christopher's mom is Ali's day care provider, so she is very happy with them there. Next week they start a new session, and hopefully we'll get Kelly as a teacher, and if not someone good.

Here are some pictures from swimming.
Olympics, here I come!

Ali and Christopher in the pool chatting as usual. Christopher had to have tubes put in his ears, so he has to wear a bathing cap. Ali saw his bathing cap and decided that she needed surgery on her ears too so she could wear one. I told her that I would get her one without the surgery.

pumpkin time!!

It's pumpkin carving time! I love Halloween! I think it may be something that they feed us subliminaly in the Salem School System, but I just love Halloween! Tonight Ali and I carved our pumpkins. I was thrilled to find great pumplins at an amazing bargain at Walmart. All of their large pumpkins were $4.00! We got two, one tall one and one round one (plus a bag full of gourds for Ali). The first one we carved Ali cleaned the inside of, she did a great job! She then picked out the design she wanted from the stencils that came with our carving kit and I carved. I put it out on the porch with a candle, and it looks great! Here is it:


For the next one, Ali "had no energy" so it was up to me. I tried to use a stencil, but I couldn't get it, so I did this one free-hand. I am pretty impressed with myself!


Here are the two of them on the porch all lit up!

And what is the best way to end a pumpkin carving night? Why baked pumpkin seeds of course! Ali was asleep before they were done, but I am sure she will be trying them when she wakes up! Yummy.......